1 year ago today - the day we announced to the world that we wanted to adopt a baby. On one hand, a year almost seems like a lifetime ago, and on the other hand, it’s gone by in the blink of an eye. Looking back on our first photoshoot, we had so many questions. Would people support our decision? Would someone actually choose us to raise their child? Would we even pass a home study visit?! We were so excited and so nervous all at the same time! We knew that the process wasn’t easy and we knew that it could potentially take years, but we had high hopes.
Only a month had gone by when we received the most unexpected message. Someone wanted us to adopt their baby! We couldn’t even believe it! Was this a joke? No one matches in one month! We knew we had to jump at the chance and despite everyone warning us not to get our hopes too high, we were ALL IN! This would be our first heartbreak. This would be our first failed adoption. They say that it’s common but no one ever thinks that it will happen to them....until it does. This is what makes adoption so hard. The unknown. The total loss of control. Knowing that at any single moment - it can all be taken away. It’s no different than a miscarriage (although I’m sure not everyone will agree with me). It’s at that point when you have to decide, is it worth it? Is the pain of this process worth the reward. I can honestly say that there were a few different moments throughout this process when I didn’t know if it was. I didn’t know if I could handle the heartbreak. I just wanted to be able to carry my own baby like everyone else. It’s at these moments when having a strong support system is the only thing that pushes you forward.
A couple of months went by and we were able to heal. We knew we were strong enough to get through this journey and that one day we would have a beautiful baby to call our own. It was a random afternoon when we received a phone call. Our adoption lawyer had a new match for us. It was hard not to instantly get excited. Steven had to bring me down a couple of notches more than once. We knew that we couldn’t get our hopes too high because there was always a chance that it could fall through. This time; however, it didn’t.
We were able to experience all of the precious moments any normal expecting couple gets to experience! We got to make a “pregnancy announcement,” we got to host a gender reveal party, we were able to have a beautiful baby shower, and we were able to be at the hospital when our perfect baby boy was born. We can’t say that it was the best day of our lives, because we would be lying.
That day (and the 7 days that followed) were the toughest days that we have ever been through. Back to being stuck in the unknown with no control over the situation. The emotional rollercoaster of being SO HAPPY for yourself, yet SO HEARTBROKEN for someone else. The love that you have for a tiny baby that you just met with the fear that you will be going home without them. Maybe all of the people who called us “child stealers” were right?! Again, the thoughts of: “is this worth it” played over and over in our minds. 7 days, we just had to make it through 7 days. For us, these 7 days felt like an eternity. I can’t even begin to imagine what those 7 days (and every other day since then) has felt like for Abriel’s birth mom. The person who gave us the most precious gift on the planet. The person whom we have grown to love with all of our hearts and someone we could never repay. The STRONGEST person we’ve ever met. That’s the kind of stuff you don’t think about at the beginning of this process.
Fast forward to today. Abriel will be 5 months old tomorrow (we can’t even believe it). After everything that we’ve been through in the last year, one question remains. Was this all worth it? For those of you considering adoption - please mark my words when I say that it’s 100% WORTH IT! There’s not a single part of me that wouldn’t do this all over again! Not only did we gain the most beautiful baby boy, but we also gained an entire family. Abriel’s birth family will ALWAYS be a part of his life and a part of our family. Nothing could describe the love that we have for them and there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for them. Adoption isn’t child stealing. Adoption doesn’t mean loving a baby any less because you didn’t carry it. Giving a baby up for adoption doesn’t mean that you didn’t love that child beyond belief. Adoption is love. Adoption is hard. Adoption is worth it. #ouradoptionstory #ouradoptionjourney #adoptionislove
XOXO,
Ash
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